A rant, a loveletter an apology

idiopathetique 10/01/2023 Luthando ZA! We speak in different languages. Brabbeltaal.

My word "idiopathetique': [when the people around me are being morose, acting unfairly, cheating, arguing or simply wrong]. All of them have serious skills. The big construction CEO, various engineers, developers, gamers - my unique support system acting daft/ eccentric or negative.

When the DM's from Facebook, Twitter do not load. The replies to comments on YouTube say, "no connection". Once again, the network is down, meaning I am sitting here typing in near darkness. In a love/ hate relationship with not only my personal computer but also, my power supplier. Again, idiopathetique. So brilliant it is stupid.

Well now, my question to all this is a simple "WHY?" I know people with expertise to fix this problem, as well as people in power positions, who can affect positive changes. Problem is they refuse to communicate. They do not listen, they are stoic. We have a lackadaisical attitude towards regulating the authorities. Living in fear of persecution in a democracy? Are we under martial law yet? Would they even tell me if we were…

So here I am, the drama queen, the class traitor, waiting to be persecuted for my beliefs. Am I unwell? Giving people the response (overrated honesty) when I say "well, you voted and that is where your involvement stopped". Were we not meant to regulate? To protest when they stole from us. Misled us. Spread disinformation and sowed the seeds of fear and dissent amongst us? Made a lot of new laws to annoy us. Why did we not act? Why do we allow them to fine, persecute and imprison us for trivial things and whilst they get away with murder? Yes, murder! You poisoned the well. Now dare you say I talk too loudly. i am howling in pain!

It is not right. You cannot lead a village if you haven't climbed the mountain first and staked out a path. Educate yourself in "living". The blind leading the blonde (as they say). Treat others the way you would want to be treated. Accepting yourself is the first step to adjusting the way you view the world.

It is a sad fact that the upper classes live in luxury, have all the toys - and with "toys" I mean decent cars, decent houses, comfortable pay cheques, solar panels (which I support!), investment portfolios and more. You know what i am getting at, right? The 25% who have never failed a day in their lives. Your apathy about making a positive change is just precious. You complain consistently. Stop. We all feel the same. Create something worthy of adoration, be snarky, witty, ironic, iconic. Become part of the unique creators, strong enough to fix the system. Do so with conviction and passion. Not affectation.

Let it be known, we all live in fear. Nobody thrives in fear. Not a single thing grows. I know it is hard to lose all your precious little gems the AI has created. It is not nice when "others" block your social accounts. You feel alone. You have been hurt by something that lives but does not breathe, was not born in blood and lacks the capacity to love. Question: how many of you are woken by "assistants" on your phones? Does your 'smart' house sometimes feel like a fancy cage? Can you remember everyone's phone number from memory, do you even know your own? (Don't cheat…I know I sometimes hit a blank). Let's be honest here. Is it a sign of progress when we lust after images on a screen? How messed up is our emotional intelligence? Allow yourself to feel the moment. Validate the emotion. Become confident.

In my (not so subtle), yet humble opinion, I do not endorse radical behaviour. In order to stay true to myself these issues must be voiced. Everything is a joke, until nobody laughs.

Despite anger at myself for procrastinating for a few days now…this whole 2023, I remember that I have to ask a few questions here:

1. Am I angry at myself? 2. What and who is important in my life? 3. Which changes need to be made? 4. Is it worth it? 5. Who is reading this? 6. Am i being honest? 7. Remember the cause, CURE the disease, accept guidance, adjust. 8. Do not over complicate the matter. Stop overthinking.

Honesty is always the best policy in personal matters, not business. So let your "freaky flag" fly in private.

So, I build in silence, hoping to grow taller. Extend my reach.

As I sit back down, meditate, and open my own mind before I act. Simply put. Just move forward.

Set your goals, commit. The ladder is steep, so place those rungs close together. Need to walk before I run, lest i runaway.

I choose to own my failures, life lessons burnt into the neural pathways. I live, I learn and sometimes I fall. Don't we all? This battle angel with her sevenfold army is sticking to her "scthick". Love me, hate me - the choice is yours. Thing is, if you've read this, you're not going to forget me .[ ;-*]

Levitating in murky waters. Let us rise together. Passion is a gift, use it for good. Define the grace and beauty of your unique soul. A tarnished memory might still become inspiration. Do not judge. All of us have our own stories to tell. We survived the worst. We change. Stronger now than ever before. Written in the stars between the scars.

Remember that "dreams are simple wishes from our hearts" (unknown), secret desires telling us to carry on. Do not give in. Do not let them see you break. To those who feel broken - remember you matter. You will heal.